Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
