I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
