I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
