Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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