so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
