i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
