my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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