Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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