your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Vodka?
Forever.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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