Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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