biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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