i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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