Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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