Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
my liver is dry heaving
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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