I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
