I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Help. Why am I so naked?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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