I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
