Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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