O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Is it because I queefed?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
