I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
farters have to be the big spoon...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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