Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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