he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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