and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
