This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
