I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
