im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
