you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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