we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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