Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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