I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
