good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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