In the future we'll all be gay
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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