Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
