I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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