I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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