Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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