Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
