Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
