just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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