i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
