I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
