She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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