Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think I sprained my soul last night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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