Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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