He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
