i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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