I look better un-naked...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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