Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
