4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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