i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
