all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
