PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
