things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think your dad took our porno
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
