meet me or not, i'm out of control
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
