My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
